Hardware Store

For over a year now, I have been having to travel out of town to get my hardware store fix.

I can walk into Home Depot and just wander around for an hour. I dream about the things I could build, the work bench I could solve the world's problems on, cat towers I can create, and things that would make life better.

Here in the little town of Nipomo, we had a dying hardware store that lacked the most basic tools or hardware. It went out of business, as you might have guessed.

After much anticipation, Miner's Ace Hardware opened it's doors. Hundreds of pickups and hundreds of deprived men ascended to see tools, wood, and screws...and we don't know why. I guess it's a cave man thing. I don't care, I just like to go and wonder through every isle and know every type of bolt, hammer, drill-bit, shelf bracket, and chain saw that is available. They even have something everyone should have, Anti-Monkey Butt powder...

One important part of the hardware store experience is old men. They are the pros of hardware shopping. They wonder the isles looking for obscure items that may not exist and just love asking the teenage boys were they can find a 45 degree flaring tool. The kid always has to get on his radio and ask a more experienced worker to assist.

One of the old guys favorite things to do is flirting with the young female cashiers. It is a subtle art form they have worked on for years, likely since about 10 years old. They do sneaky things to spend more time with the cute cashier. Things like removing price tags so she will have to figure out the actual price. Sometimes the cashier just makes up a price to get the old man away. Another tactic used by old men is to buy something everyone on earth knows how to use, then ask the pretty young cashier how this items works. He will listen and say things like "I didn't know this saw could cut wood" or "So you turn this light bulb to the right to put it in the lamp?"

Of course you could just buy your stuff and get out, but the old men want more of an experience out of the visit. It isn't uncommon they have no idea what they came in for. It is also common, after an hour wandering around, they will leave with nothing.

When they get home their wife will say, "You were gone three hours, did you get the 3-sided tape you needed?" and the man will shrug and say "No, I looked everywhere and they didn't have it."

Thanksgiving

Ahhh, Thanksgiving is finally here. All the preparation and planning is coming to head.

This year we have guest coming over for a feast. My Uncle Dan and Grandmother are dropping by to eat. The meal is being served at 1pm, so the bird had to go in early, at 9am. Well early to me. The turkey is an eleven pounder, so the anticipated cooking time is about 3 hours.

The bird...


I got a new digital dual probe thermometer just for this (and homebrewing of course). So I sterilized the probes, stuck them into the disease covered bird, and now I am ready to watch the temperature rise! I wasn't sure where to put the probes, but since I have two of them I placed one in some place near the thigh (whatever that is) and the other in the breast (I know what that is). I figure I can take the square root of the average and it should be close enough. Well, actually the wife will have gotten out of bed by then (noonish) and taken over all cooking decisions. I'll be watching football and entertaining guests.

(See the two black wires coming from the bird below?)

The favorite part for Sarah is the Pecan Pie. She made it yesterday and it is ready to eat!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

WKRP Turkeys Can't Fly?

Canyon City, 1947

[This is the story of a prison escape as told by my Grandmother. She lived in Canon City, Colorado (pronounced "Canyon" City) for some of her life. ]

Christmas Eve in 1947, Canon City, Colorado was in the middle of a snow storm.

The snow was coming down heavy when twelve prisoners escaped from the local penitentiary.

The Warden, Roy Best, swore he would catch every last one of them, dead or alive.

Out of the snow storm, one of the escaped inmates came upon a home in the countryside. A farmer and his wife were at home doing chores. The inmate came into the house unannounced, taking the couple by surprise. He had fashioned a pistol from materials in prison and used this to hold the couple hostage.

The cold and hungry prisoner told the woman to go into the kitchen and cook him a meal. He held the man at gunpoint.

She returned with the food and served him. As he sat eating, the farmer's wife returned from the kitchen with salt and pepper and a large hammer. She knocked the escaped convict out cold with a single blow.

Word spread that she had taken down the dangerous prisoner herself, so a famous singer, Kate Smith, sent the farmer's wife a fancy watch and a note telling her how much of an inspiration she was to women everywhere.

All twelve of the prisoners were eventually captured.

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I don't know any other version of the story, but there was a movie made in 1948 with the actual warden starring as himself. It tells a different story, but I like my grandmother's better.